


The Perils of Being Well-Read

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Boys Are Dumb, F/M, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin supplements the boys' sexual education with what he's learned from books.  Unwillingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils of Being Well-Read

Armin has seen how fast things can go to hell outside of the walls. He tries to expect the unexpected.

But it's safe to say he didn't expect _this_.

There are five sets of expectant eyes on him, and Armin is furiously going over the events of the past half hour in his head to figure out how he got here. They're taking shelter in a small town, and Erwin had thrown the younger members a bone and let them sleep in the same room; he'd even let them have Eren. The girls are in the room next door, following some comment about horny teenagers.

As if separating out the girls would keep the boys from fixating on them. There isn't much to talk about to distract them from the mission, and sex is pretty much the default topic when they all really need to get their minds off of something.

It's just unfortunate that Armin accidentally let slip that he once read a book that had instructions on pleasing a woman.

“Where did you _find_ a book like that?” Eren is making a face, and Armin is on fire. To hell with the titans, he's going to die of embarrassment.

“I-it wasn't all like that! It was about marriage and the importance of--”

“Screw that, let's hear the good stuff!” Even in the dark, Armin can tell that Connie is grinning. He takes a quick glance around the group. Eren seems appropriately embarrassed by the subject matter, Bertolt seems _overly_ embarrassed by it, Connie and Reiner look excited, and Jean is somewhere in between. Armin swallows, hard. This was not where he'd wanted tonight to go.

If he's being entirely honest with himself, he'd intended to put his sleeping bag as close to Jean's as possible, not teach the guy he's interested in how to have good sex with a woman. It seems cosmically unfair.

“W-well. Um. You guys remember that diagram from our lessons?”

Eren pulls another face.

“Which one?”

Armin sighs shakily and runs a hand through his hair.

“The... The lady one. No, Connie, not the one with the breasts.”

Connie closes his mouth without saying anything, so Armin assumes he'd correctly guessed what his friend was going to say. Reiner snickers.

“They kinda... left out an important part when they were explaining it. Um! According to the book! I-I haven't tested any of this myself!” Armin catches himself looking directly at Jean when he admits the last part. Jean looks puzzled, and Armin feels so _obvious_.

“Nobody said you did,” Jean replies, shifting slightly. Armin thinks he might be imagining the way his friend relaxes, like he's comforted by the fact. Even if he is, though, it's probably just because he doesn't like the idea of Armin getting laid first. Don't read into things.

“What'd they leave out?” Connie is insistent, and Armin steels himself to explain with a deep breath. He can kill titans. He can save lives with his ideas. He can do this.

“Um. Girls have something called a clitoris, it's a little bundle of nerves above the... vagina.” No stammering, improvement. Armin isn't sure if he's comforted or not by the way Bertolt looks like he's about to sink into the floor in embarrassment. Either way, the way that even Eren is looking at him with interest now is the _opposite_ of comforting.

“You're supposed to... touch it when you're. Um. You know,” Armin makes a vague gesture with his hand that bears no similarity whatsoever to sex.

“So, what, you're supposed to poke it with your dick?” Connie sounds genuinely confused, but for some reason, it's this comment that breaks Armin. He falls helplessly into nervous giggles, hiding his face in his hands.

“N-no, the book said to use your fingers,” Armin weakly replies.

“Girls want you to just jam your hand down there while you're--”

Armin stands up, which seems to startle Connie into cutting off his sentence before he can reach the horrifying conclusion.

“I'll just-- I'll find the book for you guys, okay? I'm going to go get some air,” Armin says all in a rush, fleeing the room.

He makes it all the way to the door of the house they're hiding in before Jean catches up to him and grabs his arm. He's surprised enough that he doesn't say anything, leaving Jean to explain himself unprompted.

“You're not supposed to leave by yourself,” Jean says, but there's something awkward about his tone. Armin wants to scream; awkward is the _last_ thing he wants with this boy.

“I don't know why they think I'm some kind of expert, I've never even kissed a girl,” Armin finds himself explaining, even though Jean hasn't given him any cue to do so.

“I don't think Reiner has either, unless Bertolt counts,” Jean's making a joke, but when Armin goes stiff, he hurries to continue, letting go of Armin's wrist. “Not that I have a problem with that! They, uh, they seem good together! Nothing wrong with that!”

Armin surprises himself by laughing, loud enough that he's probably going to get them both in trouble. This is such an improvement on Jean's statements about him and Eren, and he doesn't know why that's making him laugh, just that Jean is back to smiling and he's pretty sure this is a step forward.

“Jeeze, Armin, be quiet, would you? Levi's gonna have our heads,” Jean says in a hushed voice, but he's still smiling.

Armin puts his sleeping bag even closer to Jean's than he'd planned to.

(Two months later, Sasha laughs herself silly when Connie tries to find her clitoris, starting the search just under her bellybutton. Armin ends up having to draw diagrams.)


End file.
